Lane boy

Because this is how I'm currently feeling about things:

"They say stay in your lane boy, lane boy
But we go where we want to"

"Don't trust a perfect person and don't trust a song that's flawless"

Words without action

This article patting the Church on the back for mourning with families of LGBT who have committed suicide is making the rounds. I too applaud the Church for it's kind words. But words are not enough.

As an institution we kick you out, then we say through a spokesman that we cry with your family when you kill yourself because among other reasons you didn't feel wanted.

The article says parents should create "healthy, constructive relationships and environments." Then gives as an example, "Elder Dallin H. Oaks of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints once was asked how he would respond if his 17-year-old son said he was gay. 'You’re my son,' Elder Oaks said. 'You will always be my son, and I'll always be there to help you.'" This is nice. Exactly the response a parent should give if backed up by action.

Unfortunately the Deseret News article doesn't quote Elder Oaks later in the same interview when he said, "I can also imagine some circumstances in which it might be possible to say, ‘Yes, come, but don’t expect to stay overnight. Don’t expect to be a lengthy house guest. Don’t expect us to take you out and introduce you to our friends, or to deal with you in a public situation that would imply our approval of your "partnership"."

In other words, "I love you son (with my mouth and lips), but my heart is far from you."

This is the problem with the Church's current rhetoric: it is words without action.

5 things I believe; 5 things I know (plus one I'm not sure about)

I was in mourning again today as the church doubled down on it's exclusionary policy. So I wanted to take stock of my testimony.

Things I believe:
1.) I have witnessed many miracles that strengthened my faith in God. Would I call it a perfect knowledge? No, but it's definitely moving in that direction.

2.) I believe God is there watching over all of us, including the weak, old sinner me.

3.) I believe that Christ has the power to save us all, if we will come to Him and develop charity. (Even our LGBT brothers and sisters who enter into same-sex marriages.)

4.) I believe God wanted me to marry my wife, even though part of me really wanted to find my own personal Joseph Gordon-Levitt.

I apparently like guys in ties

5.) I also believe in the power of personal revelation.

Corollary to #5: I believe that someone who is not me (see #4) may pray to their Heavenly Father and feel that He has said that gay marriage is ok (for them).


Things I know:
1.) I know without a shadow of a doubt, with every fiber of my being that gay marriage is WAY WAY better than random gay sexual hookups. Thus I am happy for my gay friends when they establish long-term, committed relationships. (And yes, I will attend their weddings if invited.)

2.) I know that forcible rape is a much worse sin than gay marriage. (I'm pretty sure than sexual abuse and attempted murder are too.)

3.) I know that children of gay couples are loved by our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ as much as children of heterosexual couples. And they need the gift of the Holy Ghost just as much as their neighborhood friends who are allowed to be baptized.

4.) I know that children of gay couples will learn about love and charity and kindness in ways that children who happen to be raised by a father and a mother will not.

5.) I know that I love my wife (see note below) and my awesome family (see here).


Things I don't know:
1.) If my wife died, I don't know whether or not I would enter into a homosexual relationship.
Seriously. No idea. (So don't even think about dying, dear.)

Perhaps I could find some other gaymobro who wanted to stay a non-practicing homosexual. (Maybe he'd have a sexy British accent. Even better if he looked like Damien Lewis. I don't normally go for gingers, but am willing to make exceptions.)

And suits

We could enjoy a monogamous, celibate life together. You know we would totally get married, just to mess with the people at Church (capital C). And who knows, if it turns out homosexuality is ok in the next life, my partner could also be sealed to my wife and we'd all live in a state of celestial, polyandrous, ménage à trois bliss.


Footnote: Why I love my wife: reason 979
Today when I was feeling grouchy (see link above), I opened my email to find a note from my wife.

It consisted of just this clip and two words: "You're welcome"

Seriously. Best wife ever.

Is it a sin?

"Is homosexuality a sin?"

This question I can only answer for myself. As I listen to my wife and son singing Rent together at the piano I realize how richly blessed I am. As we laugh together around the dinner table, I realize how richly blessed I am. I believe that for me, choosing homosexuality would have been against God's will for me because He wanted to bless me with this amazing family. (That does not make it easy day to day, but I do have some confidence that it is aligned with God's will for me in my life.)

But I don't speak for you.

I will say, however, I fear we often get so caught up in absolutes that we fail to recognize possible exceptions. Somehow, in a Handbook that found room for divorce and even abortion exceptions, we can't comprehend the possibility that, for some, gay marriage may be the best option. (I get that you can't write rules around exceptions. You've got to draw a line in the sandbox. Unfortunately when that line leaves little room for the variation in God's creation, many just choose to find a new sandbox.)

I have my answer. And I promise to support others as they get their own personal answer for what's right for them.

A fallacious argument against homosexuality: "national suicide"

One night in college, my roommate and I found ourselves debating homosexuality. (How we got on this topic is still a mystery to me; I certainly did not bring it up.)

"Listen," he said. "The way I look at it is if everyone were gay, society would cease to exist. Therefore, it can't be what's right."

Over the years I've heard this argument from many people in one form or another. As exhibit A, take page 19 of this document purportedly penned by Elder Dallin H. Oaks.

"One generation of homosexual 'marriages' would depopulate a nation, and, if sufficiently widespread, would extinguish its people. Our marriage laws should not abet national suicide"

(I obviously have no personal knowledge of this document's authorship, but methinks it reads quite a bit like Elder Oaks.)

To my roommate many moons ago, I believe my counter went something like, "Yeah, but if we all became accountants, society'd be pretty hard up a generation out." We laughed. the issues with my argument obvious. But thinking about it I believe there's a sliver of truth in it.

Today, if someone made this argument, I think I would respond, "Yeah, but if everyone practiced celibacy we'd be no better off one generation out. And yet that's what we ask of our homosexual brothers and sisters." So if the one argument against homosexuality is sound, it stands to reason that celibacy is wrong too.

A concluding note: I want to make very clear, I am not arguing that homosexuality is right nor that it is wrong. I'm merely pointing out that the "if everyone did it" argument doesn't hold water. The morality of homosexuality must be decided on different terms.

Mourning

I am currently not posting. I'm too busy mourning with my brothers and sisters. It was a covenant I made when I was lucky enough to be baptized at 8 years old.

Thoughts on today's church service

So let me just say that church was not nearly as bad as my wife and I had prepped for. Sometimes bracing for the worst is the best inoculation for the well meaning but often insensitive remarks of fellow members zealously defending the family. If we had played the testimony drinking game, we would only have taken one small gulp from our sippy cup.

There was a brief announcement about President Packer's passing. I have to admit I have mixed feelings about President Packer. I love his talk "The Shield of Faith." I was a missionary when he gave this address. I remember listening to it and being filled with a desire to have a family of my own. For that I am and will ever be eternally grateful. But then I got home from my mission and learned of his earlier talk excusing an elder for punching his companion for being gay. Surely the Lord would not encourage such behavior. Why hold this up as an example for all to see?

Third hour included the Bishop's reading of "the letter." It wasn't the letter itself I feared; I worried about our congregation's right-wing crazies taking the opportunity to "discuss" how the world is going to hell in a hand basket (though I'm sure it will be a very pretty basket... probably a nice picnic basket with a lovely blanket for our last meal before the fire and brimstone. S'mores anyone?) Luckily the Bishop's call for questions met with complete silence for 10 seconds and the meeting was adjourned. Other than being a bit awkward, it was rather a non-event. The real throw-down comes next month when the Teachings for Our Times topic is Elder Perry's "Why Marriage and Family Matter." I may have to be sick that week.