Saturday, April 20, 2013

Why create an anonymous blog right now?

Really that's three questions. Why create this blog? Why now? And why anonymously? I'll take the questions in that order.

Why create this blog? My wife asked me a similar question when I told her I was considering this. (Let me point out that she is very supportive. She merely wanted to help me clarify my own motives.) As I said in my first posts, I really want to let others know that it is possible to have a successful mixed orientation marriage. It may be harder than your average marriage, but it is possible.

Here let me add a disclaimer. I am not advocating that everyone who is gay get married. I have seen and heard of mixed orientation marriages that end in divorce and immense heartache, even when there has been no infidelity. I am simply saying that my marriage works. If there is someone else out there considering a mixed orientation marriage, I want them to know that it is possible.

I've heard stats that more than 60% of mixed orientation marriages end in divorce. While this may be true, I have a hard time not questioning the survey methods used to come up with this number. Especially in the LDS church. So many of us have been closet dwellers our whole lives I don't see how you can get an accurate read on how many mixed orientation marriages there really are in the church. I wanted to add my voice to the side saying this is possible.

Why now?  As more and more people are leaving the closet (which is a good thing), the cries against mixed orientation marriages are growing. Homosexuality is apparently one of the key issues of our generation. The other side of this debate is becoming increasingly vocal. I just feel that now is the time to speak up. I am in the minority. As a minority we have been silent too long.

Finally why stay anonymous? To this I would just add the words, "for now". I will come out when there is a purpose to it. At church I am more willing to be open about this issue. I just don't think my Monday to Friday coworkers are ready for this. I work for a very progressive company. If I came out to my superiors today and said I was leaving my family to embrace my gay attractions, I would probably be celebrated. I just don't think they are ready to support my alternative lifestyle of living with these urges in a marriage to a woman. It's too bad that I fear retribution from a world that advocates inclusion.


  1. ...It is indeed too bad. I think you are probably not giving your co-workers enough credit.

    Glad you're blogging and look forward to reading more!

  2. Welcome to the blogging world. I started out anonymous and later dropped the anonymity. That was fine until some people who I never met decided to interfere with my life and the lives of some of my friends. Take it at your own speed and best wishes.