Friday, April 14, 2017


As a teenager, my church leaders sold a false dichotomy: heterosexual marriage or the “gay lifestyle” (which consisted of cruising and anonymous sex and eventually loneliness, despair, and death, likely from AIDS). I remember one night as I was falling to sleep I had a clear vision of two possible paths my life could go: I could have a family with a wife and kids or I could have a loving relationship with a man. That was when I realized that I didn't have to buy into the “gay lifestyle” narrative. In the end, though, back then I couldn't have both a family and a gay partner. I chose a family (and I have an amazing family).

Today these two visions are no longer incompatible. If I were coming to manhood now instead of back in the 90’s, I could have a gay husband and we could adopt a family. (How awesome is that!)


Sunday, April 9, 2017

What about my son?

Hello world! It's been a few months because... well... life.

Today my deacon son passed the sacrament first to his mother, who happened to be sitting up on the stand today, and then to me down in the congregation. As he did, I couldn't help but reflect on his future. I found myself wondering what future I wished for him.

I believe I've mentioned in past posts that I'm fairly certain he's gay (or at least bi). His type is becoming obvious:

(Maybe he's not gay, but just has a thing for hot superhero men.)

I admit that part of me wants him to know the joy that I found watching as he was born, holding him in my arms for the first time, knowing that in a very literal sense he was half my fault (in a good way). The birth of your own offspring is such an amazing, humbling experience. I realize, however, if he is gay that this may not be in his future.

But I also want him to experience things that I never experienced. I want him to date guys and find out what characteristics he likes and doesn't like in a boyfriend. His older siblings have their heterosexual dating relationships. They kiss each other good night and presumably make out when they're alone (hopefully in a respectful, appropriate manner). Why would I want anything less for my gay son (if he is in fact gay)?

I absolutely do not want him to remain celibate. The current church teaching, "It's ok to BE gay if you don't DO gay" is complete bullsh*t.