Monday, March 17, 2014

Stake Dance

On Saturday I chaperoned a Stake Dance. At one point I looked up and saw two boys dancing. Granted they were being a little goofy, but it made me smile to think that we live in a world tolerant enough to realize that this is ok. When I was growing up, I think most boys would have been ashamed to try this for fear of being labeled gay or fag or queer.

Sunday, March 9, 2014

is it wrong?

I had lunch with a coworker and the subject of Boy Scouts came up. I expressed my support as an Eagle Scout and a father of a Boy Scout. I could sense my coworker (and friend) who knew I was Mormon wanted to ask if I thought homosexuality was a sin. Thankfully he didn't verbalize this question and the conversation turned to other topics. But the incident has given me pause to consider how I would respond. I think I would respond with a question or three.

If God wants me to be a teacher and I become an accountant, have I sinned? What if He wants me to be a teacher, but He gives me amazing accounting abilities?

What about the couple next door who decides not to have kids because they are not the parental type? Surely if God had wanted them to become parents He would have blessed them with some parenting gifts, no?

Was it a sin for Jonah to go to Tarshish when the Lord commanded him to go to Nineveh?

It is easy for us in the comfort of our modern Babylon to read the story of Jonah and judge, but should we? Surely this story has been included in the scriptures so we can learn, but can we sit in our Laz-E-Boy recliners and say, "Jonah was a lousy prophet"? Are we overly quick to judge Jonah based on one episode from his life?

How about our neighbors who decide not to have children; how should we look on them? We are of course told to be our brother's keeper, but where is the line between brother's keeper and busybody? How can we be more Good Samaritan and less Nosy Neighbor?

And what of me, the wayward accountant?

Sunday, March 2, 2014

Abram and Lot

Today was the Sunday School lesson. Once every four years we get to it: the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah. It almost always devolves into 40 minutes of gay bashing and the world is going to hell in a picnic basket because it is embracing homosexuality. I went prepared with one of my favorite OT scriptures, Ezekial 16:49, which totally describes the world in which we live. (I totally think of "fulness of bread" every time I go to the supermarket.)

Luckily there was not one mention of homosexuality. The teacher spent the entire lesson comparing Abram and Lot. In the end, I began to wonder if I am more like Lot than Abram. Have I pitched my tent towards Sodom (or moved into the city itself)? I hope not, but it was refreshing to spend Sunday School in introspection instead of rebutting the homophobes.

Monday, February 24, 2014

How would I react?

I've been trying to figure out what the purpose of an anonymous blog about homosexuality like this is. It's not a journal, since I am reticent to share too many personal details. Recently I realized that it would be a great place to help me figure out where I stand on topics relating to homosexuality. So I figured I'd start taking different questions and work through in writing where I stand on the issue. A favorite college professor of mine advocated writing as one of the best ways to crystallize your thinking. Please feel free to share your thoughts in the comments to help me consider alternate opinions. Let's start with this one:

How would I react if my son told me he was gay?
For my wife that's an easy one. "I'd hug him and then we'd go shoe shopping."

Humor aside, I too would hug him and express how much I loved him. I would definitely thank him for feeling close enough with me to be willing to share something so personal. I would make sure that he knew that no matter what, I would always love him. And then I would try my hardest to actually align my actions with those words.

I would also encourage him to stay close to Heavenly Father. Having blessed my son as a baby, I see great potential for him. I can only imagine the potential Heavenly Father sees in him. I would encourage him to keep the commandments and to put his trust in God. I have seen too many miracles to doubt that Heavenly Father wants to bless His children.

If my son entered into a serious same-sex relationship, how would I react?
This one's a little more difficult. This paragraph I rewrote three times, before giving up. In the end I realized I can't realistically say how I would react. I would definitely pray to be filled with love and compassion for him and wisdom in how to respond. I would ask Heavenly Father to bless me with a vision of the son He sees. I would ask Him how He wants me to proceed.

How would I not react if my son came out to me?
There are lots of things I would not do. I would definitely NOT encourage him to get married as a cure for his homosexual urges. That said, I would encourage him to keep his eye out for that special woman. The reason my marriage has worked has less to do with me and more to do with my wife's understanding heart being prepared to accept me and my homosexual inclinations before we started dating.

I read about parents who embrace their child's homosexual attractions so much that they become the child's biggest gay cheerleader. I know that would not be my reaction. I would not march along side him in Gay Pride events. I am grateful that the world is more open and accepting of gays, but question the benefits of celebrating someone's coming out, especially when that coming out is accompanied by an attitude of unwillingness to consider the possibility of finding joy in a mixed orientation marriage.

Monday, January 13, 2014


With all the talk about Utah gay marriage and statements from the church, I'm a little tired.  I think we as Latter-day Saints (and many Christians generally) say, "love the sinner; hate the sin" but then spend so much energy on the second half of the couplet that we don't have strength for the first, which is the more important admonition. It makes me sad. 

I wonder what our Heavenly Father thinks.

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

A shocking opinion

I have wanted to post for some time, but life with family and work and church and well... life... has kept me busy. But today something got my goat. It was an opinion piece in the Washington Post by Jonathan Capehart. The overall article about the possible outing of congressman Aaron Schock was fine, but this section bugged me: "Of course, if Schock were gay I would urge him to come out. The closet is a terrible place. It’s a prison that forces you to lock up your true self or compromise yourself in regretable ways. And it’s a thief that robs you of the life you are meant to lead and the person you are meant to lead it with."

As someone in the closet who may or may not come out one day I'm offended that someone presumes to say I'm leading anything other than the life I was meant to lead. I have an amazing family that would beg to differ.