So a couple of months back as I climbed the stairs at work I noticed the guy in front of me had on cool socks. When we got to the landing I said, “I like your socks.”
He turned around and smiling broadly said, “Thanks!”
Two things happened. First, my gaydar immediately kicked in. Hard. Second, I started crushing on him. (To be completely honest, I'm not sure which happened first.)
He was a little shorter than I usually go for, but he was fit, well-dressed, and nerdy cute. What can I say? I have a thing for nerds.
I immediately started to keep on the lookout for the cute nerd and a few days later figured out where he sat. OK. I’ll admit it. I let my stalker tendencies (we all have them to one degree or another) kick in a bit. And thanks to name tags on cubicle walls I now knew his name. Dan*.0
Later that night, thanks to modern technology and the fact that he has a very unique last name, I was able to locate him on Facebook. From his few public pics I confirmed my gaydar is functioning at peak performance.
If I were in high school, I would have started fantasizing about dating him, having a life together, and let's be honest, sex. (Isn't that what all high school boys think about?) I'm older now and happily married. But that didn't stop me from crushing a little. It’s just now my crushing mainly involves friendship instead of romance. We’d become fast friends. I imagined inviting him and his partner over for Sunday brunch. (My wife would eat him up.) It’s like my brain starts thinking “I'm gay; you're gay; surely we'll be good friends.” (I know it’s absurd. It’s about as sensical as saying “Hey, I like blue; you like blue; surely we’ll be good friends.” It’s a fantasy; fantasies regularly throw sense and reason out the proverbial window.)
I realize that my daydreaming, while not sexual like my adolescent obsessions, was no less unhealthy than those fantasies that filled my teenage mind.
There is really only one solution I have learned for taming these dysfunctional thoughts. Fantasies fail to see the object of our affection as a fellow son or daughter of God. This is true whether the fantasy is of the sexual or Sunday brunch variety. As soon as I remind myself that my dream-boy is loved by Heavenly Father as a son, my fantasy fades and I find myself back on planet Earth.
I have found one of the best ways to do this is to introduce myself. As soon as I tell him my name and a little about me and he tells me his name and a little about himself we cease being one human with a daydream and become two human beings sharing a connection.
And so, after about three months, I am proud to say my cute nerd’s name is Daniel. Sure. I knew that already, but somehow it’s different when he tells you.
*Names fudged to protect the guilty… namely me.